I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it glows. i had to have it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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