that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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