why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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