the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
