Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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