I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
