Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
