Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
