i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
