is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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