I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
