I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
