Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
