Don't you send me to vm
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
