you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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