I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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