my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
