Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
