I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
