Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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