So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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