So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
