I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
