She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
