tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
