He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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