sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
