I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
