why didn't you poke me back
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
