oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
40s are totally the cure
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
