So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
