if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
