i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
