i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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