i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
