your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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