I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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