So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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