I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
