Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You can't special order awesome
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
