So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
