Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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