omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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