mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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