I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
