just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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