lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I cut my penus on the lid.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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