My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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