im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
