sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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