Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
