dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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