never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
