I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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