I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize