I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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