I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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