This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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