I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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