took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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