allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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