But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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