think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
