This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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