You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
