i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
