I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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