u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
